Old Hag

*ring, ring*

Mad Dad: Hey, what's another word for 'old hag'

Me: Hello? Dad?

MD: Well? What's another word for 'old hag'

Me: What..? What are you asking me? What are you doing?

MD: I'm writing a complaint letter and need another word for 'old hag'. A more professional word.

Me: There is no professional word for old hag. You cannot use this in a letter. Don't use this in a letter.

MD: I want to say she's a bitter old single lady so besides 'old hag', what other words can I use?

Me: Look, you can comment on her awful attitude or behavior but you can't call someone an old hag!

MD: I want to say bitch... do you think that will work?

Me: No! You cannot call someone a hag and you cannot call someone a bitch in a letter!!

MD: She really was an old hag.

Me: Look Dad, just don't call her an old hag.

MD: Well if you can't tell me another word I'll just have to use old hag.

*hangs up*

Me: Hello? Hello?

Tim Hortons

Dad was tired so we sent him to Tim's downstairs while we finished paying for Mom's hoodie.

The boy got bored so went to check on Dad. Found him snoring in a corner, coffee neglected and the staff discussing whether or not to call the police. Spent time convincing them that he was harmless and not a drunk, nor a hobo. Finally woke him up mid snore which then switched to an outright laugh as he drank the rest of his cold coffee, hobbled over to where we were and paid for all our shopping.

He may be mad as a bat but he's damn generous.